Where is your path taking you?
Are you reading this from a place in the Northern hemisphere? Then there is a good chance that you have, just had, or will soon have a break from your usual daily rhythm. It could be time for adventure, for rest, for reconnecting with dear people, and it could be a good time to reflect on how you spend your precious life.
The big question is: Am I happy with the way I live?
Does the shape of your ordinary days reflect what truly matters to you? Are the things that receive your time and energy what you actually care most about?
Many of us have spent years adapting. We learned how to fit into our families, workplaces, and communities. We learned what was rewarded and what was discouraged. Gradually, we became so skilled at meeting expectations that we lost touch with the authentic longing underneath them.
Looking back on my own life, I can see how much energy I spent pursuing recognition and respect in the eyes of others. And how I suffered when I missed it. Yet beneath all those efforts lived something much simpler: a longing to make a difference in the world through meaningful activities where I could contribute as me. Where I would know I was doing the right thing. Then I would get to like myself and be less dependent on others liking me. The longing was twofold: to trust that I mattered, and to devote myself to creating the kind of world I wanted to live in.
Belonging to myself
You may already have guessed it. When I dissolved my self-criticism (through 12-step, coaching, and Resonant Healing) and began liking myself, everything became easier, and I found my voice, less susceptible to other people’s potential judgments of me. The journey took me through recognizing my loneliness and the need to belong - not just to a beloved community, but also to myself.
I now know that many of the things I was striving for - if my husband would just change, if the publisher would accept my script, if my mom wasn’t so indifferent, if I just passed this busy period - were tragic expressions of needs I’d never learned to name. The desire for success concealed a longing to matter. The search for someone to change related to my need for care and belonging. My endless busyness distracted me from the pain of the life I had created. Oh dear. Could I just visit myself during those years of agony and hopelessness, I’d ask my younger self: “Are you so longing for kindness? For being seen in your efforts to create coherence around your children? Are you devastated that no matter what you do, your mess and misery just grows?” My situation then was extreme, and it might not be recognizable to you. But think about it: do you keep yourself in futile dreaming, stuck in blame, or waiting for the right moment?
Might this be the time for you to shift direction?
The times we live in add another layer. Many of us carry concerns about climate change, war, polarization, and the future, whether we speak about them or not. Beneath these concerns often lives a profound longing: for a world where people remember their interconnectedness and act with care for one another and for future generations.
When the pace of life slows down as during holidays, these longings become easier to hear. But how do we tend to them? The world is big, the need for reconciliation is endless, and each of us is just a single drop in the ocean?
Rather than rushing to answer them, perhaps the invitation is simply to listen. To become curious about what gives you a sense of aliveness, meaning, and connection. To notice whether there is a part of you that has patiently waited for attention while you were busy taking care of everything else.
If these questions resonate with you, I would love to explore them together. Because what I have discovered, both personally and through years of coaching, is that beneath resignation, self-criticism, and overwhelm, there is often a surprisingly intact capacity to contribute, influence, and shape our life and the world around us. Not as outstanding heroes, but as water drops in the wave of transformation that’s rising. We simply need each other in order to reconnect with it.
Free webinar: Create your personal manifesto
On the 18th August, I am hosting the free webinar Activate Your Agency, where we will explore the hidden needs beneath discouragement and overwhelm, uncover what is calling for your attention at this stage of life, and identify practical ways of expressing your values through meaningful action.
You will leave this webinar with a sense of direction in an unraveling world and a personal manifesto to inspire you even when November has grayed out your colors. You are warmly welcome to join us.
Register for free here: Activate Your Agency