Kids at Heart
“Resilience is the internalization of co-regulation” Mona Delahooke
This post is for all the parents, teachers, caregivers, grandparents, foster parents… all those who have children in your lives and want to put more tools into your baskets to build lasting, connected relationships. It is written by our colleague Anna Banás, who has been supporting parents and teachers to create better relationships with children over the past decade in New Zealand.
Can you recall those childhood moments when your parents or caregivers really made you feel seen and heard? Maybe there was a teacher who truly understood you, who said just the right words or did something that stayed with you forever? Or maybe there were times when you felt upset, sad, or lost, and there was an adult there to comfort you, to catch you before you fell too far. What about the moments when things didn’t go quite the way you hoped, but you had someone to help you navigate through it?
I have some of those in my memory bank - memories of adults who really saw me, who looked beyond the surface of my behavior and my words, and knew that I needed support in a deeper way. But I also have many memories where this was not the case. When the adults around me weren’t resourced enough to tend to my needs, I was commanded against my will or dismissed. Like probably most of us, I have both stored them inside my bank.
Here's the kind of thing I wish I had heard a bit more of:
"How are you feeling?”
"I see you're having a tough time. Can we talk about it?"
"Let’s take a breath together. What’s going on for you?"
Can you imagine hearing those words in moments of frustration or sadness? Even from where you are now, as an adult, can you feel the relief just by imagining it? I know I can.
Think of the difference it would make if adults truly took the time to respond with kindness and understanding in moments of hardship. When children experience empathy and support, their world shifts, and so does ours.
Parenting, teaching, caregiving, and supporting children can change the world – and yes, it can be incredibly hard! In the heat of the moment, when tensions rise, it’s easy to let words slip out that we don’t want to say. But we have the power to do things differently, and the more we practice, the better we get at creating positive, caring connections with the children in our lives.
We can build stronger bonds and stimulate children toward resilience through Nonviolent Communication, coaching skills, and attention to co-regulation. It's not about being perfect—it's about being present, empathetic, and supportive when we can—every moment of connection counts. Your efforts today shape the adults of tomorrow, creating a ripple effect of kindness, understanding, and emotional well-being.
This is why I’m so excited about the upcoming program I’m offering in collaboration with the Needs-Based Coaching Institute and supported by Pernille Plantener: Kids at Heart: A Coaching Toolkit for Parents, Teachers, and Others Who Care.
In this course, we will focus on tools you can learn and practice that will make a difference - for the children in your care as well as yourself. During the ten weeks, you will:
Gain practical coaching skills to strengthen your connection with children at home or in the classroom.
Discover questions that cultivate deeper connections and help you engage authentically with children.
Explore the role of the nervous system in shaping interactions and learn how this understanding can improve your responses.
Learn the core principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and how to apply them in everyday situations with children.
Practice various ways of listening that allow you to hear beyond children’s words and behaviors.
Gain insights into your own reactions and behaviors, helping you become more self-aware and effective in your interactions.
If you're ready to join us on this journey of learning and growth, I’d love for you to come along. Read the full course description here and check the info call dates here.
If you have any questions or want to know more, get in touch with me - I’d love to know how I can support you to hop on!
With care and warmth for YOU and the children around you,
Anna Banás
Graduate 2016 of Needs-Based Coaching, NVC-trainer, mum, and facilitator of relationships with children. Check my website